- Good Morning ladies and gentleman. Or should it be goodnight going by the look of some of those red eyes out there.Young lady, could you possibly nudge Sleeping Beauty on your right.

- Oh, Good morning sir! How nice of you to join us. We have been expecting. you.

O.K. class, now that some of us have regained consciousness I shall begin. As you have decided to major in Australian I would mean to me that you wish to converse with the Australian people.

To converse in the correct manner is the key to being accepted as a top bloke, or sheila as the the case may be, to master the use of todays topic. I of course, refer to the phrase 'Fair Dinkum'. Its origins are numerous and varied with its use going back to convict days.

Captain James Rowntree records in his memoirs that

" We continue work on this horrid roadway. The heat is intense at times and the convicts seem to be dropping like flies.They ask for more rations and water but we have our rules and regulations.

On Monday of this week a Welsh convict named Jones called me "a Fair Dinkum Arsehole". Such insolence and was about to pistol whip him when Jones quickly started rambling. The funny thing was that it turns out that "Fair Dinkum" actually reverses the insult which follows. By calling me "a Fair Dinkum arsehole"he was saying that I am, in some way, the farthest thing possible away from an arsehole. Feeling quite chuffed with myself I refrained from beating the man. I have decided to play along with their folly. In the last few days I have been called a "Fair dinkum Prick", Dick, Asseshead, Cows Tit and some really vulgar words that I would not put to paper.

It has taken time but I have finally gained respect from these horrid convicts"

12th Febuary, 1839

Parramatta, Australia

We will learn later how much respect these convicts really had for the Captain.

Previously we covered the use of addressing someone as 'mate'. As your notes will inform you we learned that 'mate' can be applied liberally and in most situations. In general, it is not the overuse but the incorrect use in a particular situation which causes the faux pas.

If you cast your minds back to 'the girlfriends mother situation'.

- "Mummy this is my boyfriend . His name is Tom"

- "Hello Tom"

- "How ya goin' ,mate?"

'Fair Dinkum' is an entirely different kettle of fish. Its constant use or incorrect use will not endear you to the average Australian as he/she may feel that you are in some way mocking their most sacred turn of phrase.

You may thus be refered to as a 'dill, dingbat, muttonhead, dickhead and other non-attractive similies'.

If Cpt. Rowntree would not put them to paper then I will surely will not announce them out to this class. I warn you now that Australians can be quite vulgar and misuse this phrase at your peril.

'Fair Dinkum' is a veritable linguistic minefield.

Today we will cover the various uses and common pitfalls of using 'Fair Dinkum'.

It may be used as an adjective, an adverb, an exclamation and a question. Hopefully, after listening to these examples which I am about to submit, you will gain a better understanding and be better prepared to converse with the Australian.

We shall take the first instance of using Fair Dinkum as a question. The case of using of 'Fair Dinkum' as a question usually arises after a statement has been made. You can see this in the next converstion.

-"I traced my family back to one of the first convict ships. Get this, me mum side was an officer on the ship, Welsh I think and me Dad's was a convict".

-"Fair Dinkum?"

In this example , the 'Fair Dinkum' does not quetion the validity of the first statement, but more of a " Is that so?"

We shall now look to Fair Dinkum being used as an adjective.

- "Hey, Franco mate, We got this new bloke working with us today, from over Bendigo way".

- " So whats he like then, Dave?"

- " I used to work with him when we was on Stadium Australia. Oh yeah, he's Fair Dinkum "

In this prologue, Franco queries his workmate as to the qualities of their new workmate. By answering that this new person is 'Fair Dinkum' he is stating that the individual is of good qualities. These qualities can be assumed that he is a good worker, honest, friendly and sound of mind . Quite a compliment from just two words

Now we will move on to the situation of using 'Fair Dinkum' as an exclamation. This can be quite useful especially in those frustrating moments when crude language would not be acceptable. A good example would be when young children are present.

In this situation a Father walks into the kitchen, he spies his three year old son playing in the Sitting room.

- "What are you at son"

- "Me painting Daddy"

- "What are you............. Not my autographed Wallaby Jersey. Fair Dinkum Micheal !"

As you see the unlucky father uses Fair Dinkum as a substitute for calling his son a "stupid ******* ******".

Finally we shall move on to using the phrase as an adverb. If I may.............

-"BOC, did you ever see Lambert play golf"

- "Nah, Mick. Why?"

- "He only plays with an eight iron and a putter. No tee, puts the ball on the ground and Fair Dinkum thumps down the middle about 200 yards. Does it for the full eighteen holes in all, mate. "

Here we see the emphasis put on the thumps by Fair dinkum thereby making the thumps stronger or possibly more animated to the listener.

Now class as for the pitfalls. Well, generally if you stick to the ways as shown earlier you should avoid any embarrassing experiences. As the Australians say themselves "You'll be right".

Your time is now. Sieze the day and live the dream. Unfortunately we at the institute can only help you so much. As you know the only way to grasp the correct use is to get out there and get involved. We wish you all the luck in the world. Do we mean it?

Of course we do and that's 'Fair Dinkum'

(end)