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THE STONED CROW'S
PUB SURVIVAL GUIDE
As a good
bloke in a pub once told me “There are three steps to heaven”
Step 1
The first
rule, find out what time the pub is open. Generally,
it is possible to get a beer at any time of the day or night in the cities of
Australia. However, the usual
opening hours vary between cities and states but take a look at my guide to get
the idea
Residential
Area Pubs:
12 o’clock closing / 10 o’clock on Sundays
Non-residential Area Pubs:
2am closing
Late Pubs and Hotels:
5 or 6am (Can’t remember)
Of course,
don’t forget about the 24 hour pubs. This
truly is a great country.
Step 2
The
second rule of pub drinking is to learn how to order a beer.
You may laugh but in Australia, ordering a “pot” of beer
in Queensland will result in you receiving a cool amber beer (approx
285ml) However, if
you where to do this in NSW the bar person would probably respond
with a “Eh!! Sorry
mate, are you alright?”
Here is my Beer Ordering
List
HOT
TIP: Learn it or stay thirsty
The great people in the Top End (NT) have made things easy for the
lost, thirsty backpacker.
Simply order by the colour of the can;
|
Code
|
Translation
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Red
Can
|
Can
of Melbourne Bitter
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Green
Can
|
Can
of Victoria Bitter
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Blue
Can
|
Can
of Fosters
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White
Can
|
Can
of Swan Light
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Yellow
Can
|
Can
of XXXX
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But which
beer do I order, I hear you say. I
am afraid the Stoned Crow cannot even help you there mate.
It is simply a case of trying them all.
Step 3
GET
PISSED MATE
Cures for
the Common Hangover
- Swim
in the sea
- Surfing
- Work
4 or 5 hours (Hard and painful)
- Barroca
or Aspro Clear
- Sleep
all day
- Sex
- Ice
Cream
- A
raw egg
- Macca’s
- Go
back to the dog that bit you (hit the piss again)
Don't
drink. How did that get in there - Ed?
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